Love ya paycheck??
I am back. Ah no, not with a Bang! But I am back. Lots of things have changed in the past 6 months since I stepped into IIMB. People say I have changed - they find me healthier ( read fat) and more confident! I have new awesome friends and I now have a different view about myself and the life I want to lead. But then, coming back to the blogosphere after such a long time, I don't feel like writing a serious post. So some other day. Lets just talk about a somewhat humorous incident in my life.
April 2006 - IIM results were declared and I got through IIMB. May 2006 I completed B.Tech. June 2006 I went home for the holidays. Two months is a good enough time for the news of my IIM entry to spread wide in my little home town. The day I reach home my mom tells me about some Mr. XYZ who wants me to get married to his daughter who is incidentally fair, beautiful, adept at household chores and educated ( I am glad he didn't mention "tall" also as all the matrimonial ads do :) ). I asked my Mom to immediately send a photo of mine to the family, betting that the very next moment they would withdraw the offer! After all, who wants to get entangled into Indian judicial system on the charges of child marriage!
But this was funny. ( Well frankly, somewhat ego boosting too! No girl has ever expressed interest in marrying me. And though this time, it was just the girl's father on behalf of the girl and not the girl herself, I still felt thanking IIM profs for taking me in. Long live Ganesh Prabhu and Narayanswamy!! ) The person in question didnt know our family well. We just happened to be of the same caste. He had not ever seen me. Had no freaking idea as to how I looked or what kind of a person I was. Worse, he didnt know my parents also to be able to at least extrapolate and have a guess as to what kind of person could I be. But still, he wanted his daughter to get married to me. Only reason - I was going to be an IIMite and hence in the future, financially secure and if lady luck smiles, even rich! First I was amused - weird materialistic society! Then I was irritated. Had I agreed, the girl would have married me. The girl didn't seem to have much of a say. One of the most important decisions of her life but still she was out of the loop. However, when I thought a little bit more I felt nothing wrong in the girl's father's action. Financial security for his daughter - this is what brought him to make that offer. Isnt' financial security one of the most desired things in life? if the girl's father wanted his daughter to not to lead a difficult life for the want of money, what's wrong? I know a little about love and all that stuff. But love aint everything. One needs to survive, provide education to his/her children, live a life of self-respect and dignity, have some status - and sadly enough, simply love doesn't make the cut here! You gotta be able to earn, and you better earn well!
Quite a few of the readers of this blog will not agree to my point. They will pounce upon me saying that love is everything and that I have a very materialistic view of life. Some of the female readers might even call me MCP for portraying girls as completely dependent on their husbands. Well, you girls will make such a comment because most of you will be financially secure on your own. Here in IIMB, I study with females, most of who will, in a span of a few years, be fighting it out in the top echelons of the corporate world and raking in big moolah. They all boast of that rare combination of beauty with brains and if the big-bad world of jealous males doesnt stop them with the glass ceiling, quite a few of them will be making headlines as leaders very soon. When it comes to their marriage, the only thing that will matter is love. Caste, financial stability, husband's family, horoscope etc. - all these traditional parameters will not make even the slightest of difference. Love will be the sole factor. And status of course!! But then, I am not talking about such girls. The girl in question belongs to a place where girls wearing jeans are still not so common a sight, where an unmarried couple sitting in a public place (maintaining adequate distance) runs the risk of being interrogated by the police and where a girl and a boy if seen alone together will almost certainly lead to people making stories about the girl's character. Well, girls who move out of our town for the sake of higher studies do get to breath the free air and some of them do end up in love marriages. But those who do not move out - love marriages are still a tabboo for them.
And therefore, what makes me wonder is the mental state of such girls in these crucial years of their lives. Insecurity - that is what must be ruling their mind. Just as that girl's father approached my family, he would approach few more families one of which would agree and the girl would get married. She would have not known the guy or his family in advance and therefore the constant fear of what kind of home she is getting into will certainly be traumatising her. The feeling of being left at mercy of someone else, of not being the master of one's own life, is really terrible. I did experience it briefly few months back and i felt like shit! And therefore I feel quite sympathetic for such girls. But I don't see a solution right now other than wishing them good luck. However the ultimate solution is education. Provide every girl with adequate, quality education so that she becomes financially independent after which her emotions will matter more than the guy's earning power!
April 2006 - IIM results were declared and I got through IIMB. May 2006 I completed B.Tech. June 2006 I went home for the holidays. Two months is a good enough time for the news of my IIM entry to spread wide in my little home town. The day I reach home my mom tells me about some Mr. XYZ who wants me to get married to his daughter who is incidentally fair, beautiful, adept at household chores and educated ( I am glad he didn't mention "tall" also as all the matrimonial ads do :) ). I asked my Mom to immediately send a photo of mine to the family, betting that the very next moment they would withdraw the offer! After all, who wants to get entangled into Indian judicial system on the charges of child marriage!
But this was funny. ( Well frankly, somewhat ego boosting too! No girl has ever expressed interest in marrying me. And though this time, it was just the girl's father on behalf of the girl and not the girl herself, I still felt thanking IIM profs for taking me in. Long live Ganesh Prabhu and Narayanswamy!! ) The person in question didnt know our family well. We just happened to be of the same caste. He had not ever seen me. Had no freaking idea as to how I looked or what kind of a person I was. Worse, he didnt know my parents also to be able to at least extrapolate and have a guess as to what kind of person could I be. But still, he wanted his daughter to get married to me. Only reason - I was going to be an IIMite and hence in the future, financially secure and if lady luck smiles, even rich! First I was amused - weird materialistic society! Then I was irritated. Had I agreed, the girl would have married me. The girl didn't seem to have much of a say. One of the most important decisions of her life but still she was out of the loop. However, when I thought a little bit more I felt nothing wrong in the girl's father's action. Financial security for his daughter - this is what brought him to make that offer. Isnt' financial security one of the most desired things in life? if the girl's father wanted his daughter to not to lead a difficult life for the want of money, what's wrong? I know a little about love and all that stuff. But love aint everything. One needs to survive, provide education to his/her children, live a life of self-respect and dignity, have some status - and sadly enough, simply love doesn't make the cut here! You gotta be able to earn, and you better earn well!
Quite a few of the readers of this blog will not agree to my point. They will pounce upon me saying that love is everything and that I have a very materialistic view of life. Some of the female readers might even call me MCP for portraying girls as completely dependent on their husbands. Well, you girls will make such a comment because most of you will be financially secure on your own. Here in IIMB, I study with females, most of who will, in a span of a few years, be fighting it out in the top echelons of the corporate world and raking in big moolah. They all boast of that rare combination of beauty with brains and if the big-bad world of jealous males doesnt stop them with the glass ceiling, quite a few of them will be making headlines as leaders very soon. When it comes to their marriage, the only thing that will matter is love. Caste, financial stability, husband's family, horoscope etc. - all these traditional parameters will not make even the slightest of difference. Love will be the sole factor. And status of course!! But then, I am not talking about such girls. The girl in question belongs to a place where girls wearing jeans are still not so common a sight, where an unmarried couple sitting in a public place (maintaining adequate distance) runs the risk of being interrogated by the police and where a girl and a boy if seen alone together will almost certainly lead to people making stories about the girl's character. Well, girls who move out of our town for the sake of higher studies do get to breath the free air and some of them do end up in love marriages. But those who do not move out - love marriages are still a tabboo for them.
And therefore, what makes me wonder is the mental state of such girls in these crucial years of their lives. Insecurity - that is what must be ruling their mind. Just as that girl's father approached my family, he would approach few more families one of which would agree and the girl would get married. She would have not known the guy or his family in advance and therefore the constant fear of what kind of home she is getting into will certainly be traumatising her. The feeling of being left at mercy of someone else, of not being the master of one's own life, is really terrible. I did experience it briefly few months back and i felt like shit! And therefore I feel quite sympathetic for such girls. But I don't see a solution right now other than wishing them good luck. However the ultimate solution is education. Provide every girl with adequate, quality education so that she becomes financially independent after which her emotions will matter more than the guy's earning power!
posted by Vivek Pabari at 3:40 PM
11 comments
