My diary

1st of April - On this day, two years ago, I took a decision to instill in me the habit of writing a daily diary.

Since then, I haven't had a day, happenings of which I haven't recorded in my diary. For the first few weeks, my diary very much resembled a log of activities done during the day. Gradually, I started to be candid with myself. I began penning down my thoughts also. It was difficult initially. You are well aware that you have done something inappropriate. But it was a weak moment when your self control ditched you and you ended up doing that "wrong" thing. YOu try to forget it. But the next day, when you pen it down, the conscience bites you. A few months later, if you happen to read that, the conscience again pinches. And thus you become more honest to yourself.

You are an introvert and you cannot discuss your tensions with others. You are faced with a problem but are in a position neither to solve it nor to discuss it with others. So you confide in yourself in your diary. You give a shoulder to yourself to shed some tears. You open up your heart in your diary and after a few minutes of opinig, you fell as light as if a close friend was by your side, listening to your woes, and letting you vent your frustration and anger.

You have done a wonderful thing and you are proud of your achievement. But you cannot go around and flaunt with braggadocio. You crave for appreciation but there is no one who is aware of your achievement. So you sing songs of your own praise in your diary.

You meet several people during the day. You discuss various things with them. The people and the discussions leave several imprints on your mind. Something about someone really touches you. Some other thing about someone else irritates you. Someone gives you an inferiority complex. Someone respects you. Some other mocks at you. Noting all these down in the diary enables you to know yourself and the people around better. You write a few positive points about someone in the diary and you suddenly feel a bit more closer to that person. You appreciate someone in your diary and your regard for him increases. You chastise someone in the diary and you remember the wrong done by him for a longer time.

There are some people who, though away from you, matter a lot to you. Not a single day passes without remembering them. You think about them but cannot talk to them or see them. So you write about them in the diary - you love them, thank them, miss them, confess to them, talk to them - all through your diary and it makes you feel as if for a moment, you were with that person and were talking to him face-to-face.

This is my diary to me. Writng about myself for last two years, I now know myself better. The one Who is writing this is not the original Vivek. True Vivek is in that diary.

But I have always wondered as to how long will I write my diary. I will definitely write it till I am working to achieve my dreams and am optimistic about my success. Because, if I ever achieve my dreams, I would love to read about the days when I struggled for them. But what if I fail and lose my optimism some day? That will be the day when my diary will be abandoned to gather dust.